Relationship Therapy for One
It takes two to make a relationship work…
… but it takes only ONE to get the ball rolling.
Through my work as a therapist, I’ve come to learn that most people approach relationships somewhat haphazardly. Fumbling as they go along. Often, not knowing what they really want or need in a partner.
You may consider therapy if you are a single person, dreaming of finding lasting love with your best match, with someone who appreciates you for who you are.
Or… if you’re choosing others who may not be good long-term partners, but you make excuses for them, focus too much on the sex, and end up feeling resentful and confused.
Or… if you’re getting stuck in dating patterns that are going nowhere or just ended a relationship drawn to those who don’t really want you, are trying too hard, settling for tidbits, getting dumped, being cheated on? Individual therapy can help too.
Relationship Roadblocks
Many of us are walking through life half asleep.
The things we learned in childhood shape our beliefs about ourselves, our experiences, perception, and, in turn, our reality. Past disappointments, loss, or abandonment, and other limiting beliefs about ourselves or the imagined partner can bring our love life to a grinding halt! And we end up repeating the same relationship patterns, again and again, hoping for a different outcome.
Other times, how we feel about ourselves – our self-esteem, sense of deserving, worthiness, and self-confidence can sabotage many potentially good relationships or partners. You may recognize this if you get overly emotional, attack or criticize, beg, or plead to stay in the relationship, or resort to emotional blackmail. Or if you find yourself feeling restless or bored when a relationship is stable – at times creating fights to spice things up again.
Wounded by abandonment, loneliness, the heartbreak of betrayal, cheating, we may feel lost at sea and completely stupefied by our relationships. How did we get here?
Get clear on the exact type of relationship you want…
… and how to make your relationship both safe and exciting.
Couples therapy can help you heal from the cycle of our past experiences that lead to heartbreak or teach you to end things gracefully.
More specifically, you will…
Feel more in control of your life and your circumstances.
Learning to be in the driver’s seat of your car includes having a good sense of yourself, why you do the things you do, as well as why you don’t do the things you don’t do. When we make more conscious choices about ourselves and our lives, we are truly aligned with our values and goals.
In online therapy sessions, we explore what this means for you and how you can include a greater awareness in your day-to-day life and big life decisions. Relationships are undoubtedly harmonious and fulfilling when we bring our whole conscious, happy selves to them at the start.
Identify healthy relationships from those that are toxic or hold you back.
Choosing the right partner means finding a person who nourishes you, supports your growth, and is committed to going through the ups and downs of life with you. Someone who allows you to grow into a better version of yourself.
Sometimes this means letting go of perfectionism and embracing the imperfections in ourselves and others. Or not wanting to step in and fix everything for them, allowing them to have the space to be their own person.
Other times, this can be about having the courage to let go of people who are not aligned with you, who have a lot of their own stuff that gets in the way. Therapy can help you understand the narrative of a healthy and unhealthy relationship so that you can make the best choice for you.
Put your past behind you and move full speed ahead toward the love and life you wish to have.
Often past experiences get in the way of your present. Those who have experienced rejection, betrayal, abandonment, or other emotional & relational trauma may find yourself paralyzed by fear.
Letting go does not mean giving up, nor does it imply that you don’t care. Making peace with your past allows you to open yourself up to a universe that offers love, adventure, and more joy.
In therapy, we further explore your specific fear responses, understand the purpose they serve for you, and learn other self-preservation and protection mechanisms.
Don’t sabotage your relationships.
No one sabotages their relationships on purpose, although most will agree they know when they are doing it. For those of us who trust too easily and continue to trust hoping for change even when all the signs say otherwise is a way of sabotaging our relationships or always meeting the “wrong” type of people by going for folks who are emotionally unavailable or driving away potentially good partners by not showing up for them or treating them with anger – we can stay indefinitely stuck in these patterns, which may be hard to break.
In therapy, we work to identify these self-protective behaviors, learn to express our needs more clearly, acting in a manner that aligns with our wants.
Learn how to create relationships that are full of passion and excitement, and provide a sense of security (yes, you can have both!).
Good relationships don’t happen on their own – they need to be cultivated. And building trust and commitment requires intentional effort. Learning to consider another’s perspective during a conflict; empathize with others in moments of disagreement; being a steady, stable, and loving partner may sound like good goals but are often hard to implement in reality.
We’ll talk about how to work toward connection regularly, find ways to replace your triggers of negative emotions with compassion, learn how to foster more positive interactions, fight smarter, and create opportunities for partnership.
Walking away from one-sided relationships.
When we make ourselves available for others who aren’t available for us or offer to help those who don’t reciprocate, we deplete our internal resources and teach ourselves that our needs don’t matter. Further, we may be fearful of sharing honest feedback with others or going with what they say or doing without choosing for ourselves.
It can be helpful to get some clarity and objectivity to know whether these relationships cannot fulfill what we need and whether it may be best to walk away from them.
Give yourself permission to be more authentic in your relationships.
Walk away from things you no longer enjoy or, in turn, enjoy what you have worked so hard to create.
Re-set and start over. It’s ok to be afraid and do it anyway!
Whether you are single and looking, or currently in a relationship, or have just ended a relationship, let’s help you create the relationship of your dreams.